It has honestly been one hell of a year; things have been crazy to say the least. If you would have told me this time last year that I would have had Rutiximab this summer and only be taking 5mg of steroids I don't think I would have believed it. Two relapses this year is also something I'll count as a positive, obviously my relapse in June was a horrible one, but I've still come out the other end. I still can't help feeling super nervous in the run up to Christmas, filled with constant worry that something will ruin my festive period. This feeling isn't helped by the fact that I have an appointment with my specialist tomorrow and always worry about what he's going to say. I know my dips have been fine, its just a worry what's going on in my bloods! I just need to remember that as soon as my appointment is over I'm heading back to Lowestoft to spend a couple of weeks with my wonderful family.
2018 has seen plenty of change and no doubt 2019 will see even more. I honestly can't believe I've graduated from university this year, when there was times I didn't think i'd even be able to go. Tyler and I have also moved into our own place and moved 120 miles from home. I've started my teacher training course; which hasn't been easy with all the issues i've had going on, but i'm getting there slowly. This new venture has meant i've had the pleasure of meeting some of the most supportive and wonderful people.Things towards the end of this year haven't been the easiest, having to deal with suspected CFS hasn't been fab, i've struggled with not feeling like myself, having to adjust to what I am able to manage and not be able to run at 1000 miles an hour anymore.
All of this has really effected my mental health, so 2018 has been the year of trying to put myself first. As people who read regularly know I have always struggled with my anxiety. This year hasn't been any different and coming to terms with the CFS has left me feeling really down and lost. After years of struggling to get by I decided to finally get some help and went to the doctors last week. I've finally decided that I need to make my own feelings a priority and hopefully i'll be feeling like my carefree old self in 2019. BBC breakfast did a wonderful piece on the the links between kidney issues/ transplants and mental health. I know I haven't had a transplant but what they said really hit home and I think it's something we all need to talk about.
But overall 2018 has been an exciting and crazy year. Wishing everyone a happy Christmas and a wonderful and healthy 2019. May all your dips be yellow over the festive period. I'd like to thank the renal team at Norfolk and Norwich for being wonderful and always putting my health first, fighting for me to get the treatment I need and always being supportive.
Happy Christmas one and all! Only 6 sleeps to go!!! x
Wednesday, 19 December 2018
Sunday, 18 November 2018
In the Words of The Beatles...
Yep as said by the Fab Four all those years ago, 'I get by with a little help from my friends'. Needless to say, the last couple of months have been harder than I ever imagined. Im still ploughing through, still giving my course everything I can and just trying to come to terms with the way my body is feeling. What has hurt me the most is coming to terms not being able to do things I really took for granted; I mean I used to walk everywhere and now I can hardly get up the stairs without my legs aching. ALL THIS IS JUST NOT ME.
You know that I like to keep it positive, so here it comes, the light in all my gloom that has got me through the last few weeks and the focus of my blog this week... The wonderful group of people that I get to call friends. Things have changed really quickly since the summer, I've met so many new people and formed closed bonds with older friends. I guess what I've learnt is that everyone is fighting their own battles, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't share yours with them.
So in September I was thrown in with a whole new group of people when I started my teaching course, we all came from different walks of life and had all had different experience that led us to want to be part of the course. For me new groups can always be disconcerting, should I mention my NS? Then there's the worry that as soon as we become friends on facebook they will find this blog anyway. When I'd started Uni of Lincoln, things with my illness were very different, it didn't seem to impact on my life as much as it does now, it was far easier to keep things to myself until people asked. However, this time was different and I decided honesty was the best policy from the off. At the induction day I was swelled and had no ankles so it was pretty easy for people to see I wasn't 100%.
I do not think I will ever get over the response I've had from my new friends. I've had messages to check that I'm okay, offers to come to meetings with me so I don't feel overwhelmed and a friend who gives lifts as I'm not feeling very confident driving as I'm constantly so tired. My friends have been willing to listen to all my issues and have even took the time to read this blog. What has really stuck me is that it doesn't matter how long you've known someone, if they care you will soon know.
Equally, my friends have taught me that everybody is fighting their own battles and the ones who take the time to try and understand are often those who are dealing with the most. I was proud that a friend felt she could confide in our group and share something she had kept quiet, but felt she could talk to us. She is going to make the most fantastic teacher and is honestly one of the nicest people on this planet. Just goes to show no one has it easy. Another friend, who has been my best friend throughout uni, has been through the most awful few months. Despite of all this, she is there for me whenever I need her, always checks up on me and is always able to cheer me up. I have so much to thank all these people for, the more time you spend with strong people, the better they make you feel.
We all know that this journey is far from an easy one. However, if you are surrounded with people kind enough to help you things tend to feel easier.
You know that I like to keep it positive, so here it comes, the light in all my gloom that has got me through the last few weeks and the focus of my blog this week... The wonderful group of people that I get to call friends. Things have changed really quickly since the summer, I've met so many new people and formed closed bonds with older friends. I guess what I've learnt is that everyone is fighting their own battles, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't share yours with them.
So in September I was thrown in with a whole new group of people when I started my teaching course, we all came from different walks of life and had all had different experience that led us to want to be part of the course. For me new groups can always be disconcerting, should I mention my NS? Then there's the worry that as soon as we become friends on facebook they will find this blog anyway. When I'd started Uni of Lincoln, things with my illness were very different, it didn't seem to impact on my life as much as it does now, it was far easier to keep things to myself until people asked. However, this time was different and I decided honesty was the best policy from the off. At the induction day I was swelled and had no ankles so it was pretty easy for people to see I wasn't 100%.
I do not think I will ever get over the response I've had from my new friends. I've had messages to check that I'm okay, offers to come to meetings with me so I don't feel overwhelmed and a friend who gives lifts as I'm not feeling very confident driving as I'm constantly so tired. My friends have been willing to listen to all my issues and have even took the time to read this blog. What has really stuck me is that it doesn't matter how long you've known someone, if they care you will soon know.
Equally, my friends have taught me that everybody is fighting their own battles and the ones who take the time to try and understand are often those who are dealing with the most. I was proud that a friend felt she could confide in our group and share something she had kept quiet, but felt she could talk to us. She is going to make the most fantastic teacher and is honestly one of the nicest people on this planet. Just goes to show no one has it easy. Another friend, who has been my best friend throughout uni, has been through the most awful few months. Despite of all this, she is there for me whenever I need her, always checks up on me and is always able to cheer me up. I have so much to thank all these people for, the more time you spend with strong people, the better they make you feel.
We all know that this journey is far from an easy one. However, if you are surrounded with people kind enough to help you things tend to feel easier.
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