Coming up with new topics to write about can always be a little difficult, hence why I've not been to vocal lately, it seems pointless to bore you with the same old stuff so I've been wracking my brain for something helpful to write about. The importance of self care came to me the other day when I was feeling pretty poop and although it probably seems like a bit of a general topic that doesn't just apply to NS sufferers I actually felt that learning to not give yourself a hard time when your living through all these problems is one of the harder things to learn.
I have always been the worst for beating myself up and giving myself a hard time when things don't exactly go the way I plan and I'm not going to lie this time back on steroids has been no different. After loosing some weight a couple of summers ago I am always determined not to put it back on because of steroid hunger, so I try and fight it as much as humanly possible which is difficult when you feel like you could eat a small village! Of course like everyone out there sometimes I've caved to it and stuffed my face. I've had to teach myself that that is okay, I cant feel guilt when its out of my control how hungry the steroids make me. I've had to learn that exercise is my best friend as then i can eat what I like and not want to cry into my dinner!
Okay so that wasn't a really serious issue, but this next one is. NEVER BEAT YOURSELF UP FOR HAVING A NEGATIVE DAY. Yes we all have to fight this and every single person I've talked to and come across is doing a fab job at it, but at the same time you don't have to be positive 24/7. It can be totally overwhelming at times and of course the bad days are going to happen its how you get through them that counts. I'm not ashamed to admit I can get really down about all this and have cried a lot even over the littlest aspects of what we go through.
NS things I've cried over in the last 4 years...
-thinking I looked like an egg
-my hair coming out
-worrying about the future
- my stretch marks
- taking my meds
- fertility worries
- steroids in general
- a plus one on a dipstick
- not feeling like myself because of tablets
- feeling fat and not wanting to go for a meal
- not being able to get my jeans on because I was swelled up
So there, I'm putting it all out there. I've cried and worried over all sorts, that doesn't mean I should be ashamed of myself, its healthy to let out all the emotions that dealing with this new way of life creates. I knew being positive can make it seem so much easier but hey if you need to get angry at NS or if you need to put your PJ's on at 5 o'clock and curl up on the sofa then go for it. We are all doing the best we can.
