I AM SO SORRY, it has been so long since I last wrote a blog but I have had the craziest few months (okay 5 months but who is counting right?) It has been madness this end, I'm under 2 weeks away from finishing my university and moving back home for the final time before me and boyfriend move up to Lincoln for good, life's moving on and I'm freaking out! Hoping everyone thats getting through school, exams and stress okay as well!
Anyway, I know I have always been an advocate of going out and getting what you want from life despite of nephrotic syndrome. Trust me I still think that this shouldn't stop us, but all I wanted to say today is that sometimes you've got to give yourself a break. I am beyond proud of myself for what i've achieved this year: being able to submit a 11,000 word dissertation and getting a 2.1 in it, securing a place on teacher training and completing university in general. All I'm saying is that i've been incredibly run down, burnt out and it's not exactly ideal.
I'm running on, but what I’m trying to say is that it's okay to be tired, it's okay to be run down, and it is 100% okay to be in your pyjamas at 7pm on a Saturday night eating Ben and Jerry's (as I am right now) once in a while, we all deserve the rest. Sometimes I need reminding that i'm not super girl, I can't charge around at full speed all the time and think that my body is going to cope with it.
It's been 5 years next month and sometimes I forget I'm ill, I know that can only be a good thing, but at the same time I can't feel guilty when I need a rest or can't keep up with everyone else. Trust me i've felt the guilt, having to go home rather than stay out with friends; I end up trying to explain to everyone why i'm tired because I always feel like I owe them that. My closest friends always tell me to stop being stupid and that I don't owe them an explanation.
Just look after yourself, if you need a night in and Netflix binge then go for it. Don't run yourself down to completely empty, i've been there and it's not fun. Yes you can do whatever you want with your life, even with NS but maybe have a night in before you try and conquer the world.
Saturday, 12 May 2018
Wednesday, 17 January 2018
What is it to really be lonely?
So Im being a little bit political today, after Theresa May announced this morning that she was going to commit to producing a new government strategy to combat the loneliness that many feel around the country, it got me thinking. Most of the press coverage on the subject finds its focus on the elderly and how growing old can leave people feeling very alone; which of course is a huge issue, but I started to think how it may effect the young, the ill and the family of sufferers in a very similar way.
I for one am not afraid to admit there has been many times since my diagnosis that I have felt very alone with everything I'm going through. One of the worst times for this was when due to my health I decided to put university off for a year and get myself feeling a bit better before I put that kind of pressure on myself. I couldn't ask my boyfriend and friends to stay with me so slowly they disburse around the country and most of the people I had in my life that understood what I was going through were not just round the corner anymore. I'm not going to lie there were many times that I was bitter, they were living the life I wanted but had put on hold because of my kidneys, of course I was happy for them all but at time I felt like the only person left at home.
Of course being able to come to uni, meeting my crazy group of friends and living with my boyfriend has meant the feeling alone because of my condition a lot less of an issue as they all try to understand whats going on. However, feeling alone isn't something that just disappears; I often don't feel 100% so tend to feel lonely as it hard to explain to people how things like pred wean and the anxiety it brings is making me feel. Often I also feel useless when friends want to go for food but I can only go at certain times because of my medication or if we go out on a night out, Im tired before anyones even ready to consider going home. Don't get me wrong everyone understands and they are fab, but I feel like a burden that always has to be considered.
I'm sure many of you that take the time to read this will feel similar especially those who spend more time in and out of hospitals or on dialysis. Its hard not to feel lonely when we are such a small group and not a lot of people understand what Nephrotic Syndrome is. Also a massive shoutout to any family members who are feeling the same way; who may of had to give up work to look after their child or feel left out by their friends who just don't understand how much worry you have to go through on a daily basis. This is why find the support groups so amazing as we can all be their for each other.
I for one am not afraid to admit there has been many times since my diagnosis that I have felt very alone with everything I'm going through. One of the worst times for this was when due to my health I decided to put university off for a year and get myself feeling a bit better before I put that kind of pressure on myself. I couldn't ask my boyfriend and friends to stay with me so slowly they disburse around the country and most of the people I had in my life that understood what I was going through were not just round the corner anymore. I'm not going to lie there were many times that I was bitter, they were living the life I wanted but had put on hold because of my kidneys, of course I was happy for them all but at time I felt like the only person left at home.
Of course being able to come to uni, meeting my crazy group of friends and living with my boyfriend has meant the feeling alone because of my condition a lot less of an issue as they all try to understand whats going on. However, feeling alone isn't something that just disappears; I often don't feel 100% so tend to feel lonely as it hard to explain to people how things like pred wean and the anxiety it brings is making me feel. Often I also feel useless when friends want to go for food but I can only go at certain times because of my medication or if we go out on a night out, Im tired before anyones even ready to consider going home. Don't get me wrong everyone understands and they are fab, but I feel like a burden that always has to be considered.
I'm sure many of you that take the time to read this will feel similar especially those who spend more time in and out of hospitals or on dialysis. Its hard not to feel lonely when we are such a small group and not a lot of people understand what Nephrotic Syndrome is. Also a massive shoutout to any family members who are feeling the same way; who may of had to give up work to look after their child or feel left out by their friends who just don't understand how much worry you have to go through on a daily basis. This is why find the support groups so amazing as we can all be their for each other.
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