Sometimes I wish I had a Crystal Ball..

It's not going to be one of my joke filled positivity blogs today, i've got something that I need to get off my chest and I'm sure it bothers others to, so I thought in the spirit of being open I would share whats been on my mind...My massive fear of the future and what is coming  for me and my kidneys.

Don't get me wrong i've probably been pretty lucky (or as lucky as an NS sufferer can be!) in the fact that I'm near enough four years into my journey and I still at this moment in time have good kidney function. It was just sitting with my specialist on Tuesday talking about the future made me get a bit of a panic on about whats to come, like he said its not a matter of whats going to happen to me in the next year, but more the next 5. Look, I know thats a good thing and compared to some sufferers I have a relativity normal life and get to go to uni and all that, but it just scares me in 5 years i'll be 26- so what does that mean for me in respects to kids and all those other good things?

I'm now finishing my second year at uni so i guess its part and parcel to be having a crisis about the future and what I want to do when I finish uni, I just feel like its so much harder to even consider when I don't know what my health will be doing. When your relapsing it can be hard enough day to day, let alone trying to decide what I want to do with my life. My boyfriend won't mind me sharing that I've already made him promise to marry me before I have to have a kidney transplant, if it comes to that (he thinks I'm messing about but we will see!)

Think what I'm trying express, not in the most eloquent way is the impossible nature of this disease, that just really gets me down! Whether it's knowing you have loads of uni work while fighting through a Pred Wean or Planning a holiday and praying not to see a relapse, it always happens at the most inconvenient times. Promise i'll try and be more positive next blog, sending everyone yellow thoughts!

Growing up and getting used to it..

Okay so maybe the title doesn't make this out to sound like the most positive blog I've ever written but honestly it's more about embracing what life has to throw at you rather than hoping it'll go away at any time soon.

Last Saturday I turned 21 and despite all my best efforts and lets face it slight obsession with being well for it, as many of my followers will know I relapsed only a couple of weeks before BUT in spite of being back up on pred which we all know is a total joy, I honestly had the time of my life. So I guess my point is whatever happens embrace it, enjoy life because lets be honest it never is what you expect.

I have to admit, I'd been on a knife edge about my 21st, the week before; we had a big house party planned at uni and I was convinced that because of the anxiety that my upped medication was forcing back on to me I wasn't going to be able to enjoy myself (especially remembering how het up I had been on my 18th.) I couldn't have been more wrong, due to totally understanding friends, I could not have had a better night- honestly I owe them so much for riding the neph rollercoaster with me!

Things really did stay on a positive in the week between my party

 and my birthday, The morning I left for Centre Parc's with my wonderful parents and boyfriend
i got my first yellow dip of this relapse!! negative protein couldn't of come at a better time and I was super excited. Yellow squares really do mean a lot to neph patients.

The wonderful thing about Centre Parc's is that you could be a million miles from anywhere and can forget about everything and I truly did. I have to admit on my birthday I don't think kidneys, the future and medication once and thats a break I haven't had for 3 years.

So yes our kidneys always flare up at the worst times and I know its not even easy, but please give yourself a break and try and enjoy everything you possible can, because we really do deserve some time off and we are allowed to enjoy ourselves even if NS tries to ruin it!