Nothing in life is never simple, if theres one thing I've learnt in the last four and a half years its how true that phrase is. Welcome to my current set up as a neph sufferer, drowning in an insane amount of reading, attempting to write a ten thousand word dissertation, applying for teacher training and to top it all off on the dreaded pred wean all at the same time! Cue tears, sleepless nights and stress by the bucket load. No I'm not writing this to moan, I wanted to highlight that university (especially third year) is kind of stressful while trying to combat Nephrotic Syndrome as well, but its definitely not impossible! I mean i'm two years into my degree now and just so determined to do the best I possibly can despite this.
We all know that pred wean is not fun, but it does mean that I should be down to 10mg by Christmas so should be able to enjoy the festive period and write my essays in relative peace, if all goes to plan. but at the mo my head is spinning with all the stuff I'm trying to get done! I said it once and i'll say it again I refuse to let this all define me and I want to prove to the kids out there that we can still do all the cool things in life like go to uni and have independence despite of the path that our kidneys have laid out for us!
Not the longest blog i've ever written today, but I just wanted to talk quickly about the influences my experiences of this disease and you wonderful people have had on me. After a lot of being indecisive i've finally decided to apply for teacher training once I get my degree this year. Like most of the experiences i've read about i didn't get any support from my 6th form at the time of diagnosis (they gave me unauthorised absences the day after my dad told them I had been hospitalised) and there was only one member of staff that really helped me. Due to this lack of support I've decided a career in teaching would allow me to positively impact on young peoples lives, especially those who may need a little more support. I'm pretty passionate about using creativity as an outlet for issues (Hello just look at this blog.)
I'm scared because this feels like a huge decision I'm making with a pred addled brain and my fears about where nephrotic syndrome will leave me in the future are constantly in the back of my head. However, I have to go for things in the here and now and I know deep down I cant see myself doing anything else.
Monday, 13 November 2017
Tuesday, 10 October 2017
You've got this
I just decided to update my Facebook page to get involved with raising awareness of the struggle of mental health problems, so here I am again being honest as ever and trying to show how living with something like Nephrotic Syndrome is really strongly linked (especially for me) with mental health struggles. I'd like to start by putting it on the record that ITS OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY and I can't stress that strongly enough, we are fighting an illness that effects our day to day life in ways that I didn't even know were possible before my diagnosis and just adjusting to these experiences and the side effects of the treatment is enough to mess with your head.
I've been more than open about my struggles in the past and today seemed like the day to dig a little deeper and be brave, because I'm pretty sure that a lot of us are all in the same boat. Right, honesty, the last few weeks ploughing through relapse number 10 has really not been the easiest. Of course my body has not been in a good place (that goes without saying, hello crazy protein levels and no Albumin) but my headspace has not been very clear at all. The weight gain of this relapse hit my self confidence like a tonne of bricks, I found it really hard to leave the house and face people because I didn't feel like me and people are far from understanding when it comes to turning up back at uni looking like you've ate all the pies over the summer.
Alongside this, whether it was to do with the stress of getting back into University life and the never-ending work load or it could of been the side effect of a super prolonged period on 40mg of steroids, my anxiety has been flaring up ever since. I can't pin point a trigger as such, but its made day to day living hard, my concentration is seriously lacking as is my commitment to work (not handy when you've got 2 novels to read a week and a diss to start.) I also don't know about anyone else but i'm liable to burst into tears at any random moment, especially over silly things like the dogs trust advert!
However bad this gets, I have people to talk too and share my issues with, its such an over used phrase but a problem shared really is a problem halved and by not bottling up your feeling you are doing yourself so many favours in clearing your own headspace to work through whats going on. Also, look after yourself, If your having a bad day then reward yourself for getting though the little things, you did your home work or made tea? you've 100% got this. I tend to notice my ability to cope really does change depending on my medications, but if it really does get too much talk to your doctor - they are here to help and know we go through a hell of a lot of stress and anxiety.
But as long as you keep fighting on and doing the best you can for yourself then thats all you can do. I know we tend to just put the physical issues of NS at the fore, but we need to look after our mental health too, how can your body fight this is your mind is struggling to cope. Love yourself and do the best you can, like I said you've got this, just keep looking after yourself.
I've been more than open about my struggles in the past and today seemed like the day to dig a little deeper and be brave, because I'm pretty sure that a lot of us are all in the same boat. Right, honesty, the last few weeks ploughing through relapse number 10 has really not been the easiest. Of course my body has not been in a good place (that goes without saying, hello crazy protein levels and no Albumin) but my headspace has not been very clear at all. The weight gain of this relapse hit my self confidence like a tonne of bricks, I found it really hard to leave the house and face people because I didn't feel like me and people are far from understanding when it comes to turning up back at uni looking like you've ate all the pies over the summer.
Alongside this, whether it was to do with the stress of getting back into University life and the never-ending work load or it could of been the side effect of a super prolonged period on 40mg of steroids, my anxiety has been flaring up ever since. I can't pin point a trigger as such, but its made day to day living hard, my concentration is seriously lacking as is my commitment to work (not handy when you've got 2 novels to read a week and a diss to start.) I also don't know about anyone else but i'm liable to burst into tears at any random moment, especially over silly things like the dogs trust advert!
However bad this gets, I have people to talk too and share my issues with, its such an over used phrase but a problem shared really is a problem halved and by not bottling up your feeling you are doing yourself so many favours in clearing your own headspace to work through whats going on. Also, look after yourself, If your having a bad day then reward yourself for getting though the little things, you did your home work or made tea? you've 100% got this. I tend to notice my ability to cope really does change depending on my medications, but if it really does get too much talk to your doctor - they are here to help and know we go through a hell of a lot of stress and anxiety.
But as long as you keep fighting on and doing the best you can for yourself then thats all you can do. I know we tend to just put the physical issues of NS at the fore, but we need to look after our mental health too, how can your body fight this is your mind is struggling to cope. Love yourself and do the best you can, like I said you've got this, just keep looking after yourself.
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