In the Words of The Beatles...

Yep as said by the Fab Four all those years ago, 'I get by with a little help from my friends'. Needless to say, the last couple of months have been harder than I ever imagined. Im still ploughing through, still giving my course everything I can and just trying to come to terms with the way my body is feeling. What has hurt me the most is coming to terms not being able to do things I really took for granted; I mean I used to walk everywhere and now I can hardly get up the stairs without my legs aching. ALL THIS IS JUST NOT ME.

You know that I like to keep it positive, so here it comes, the light in all my gloom that has got me through the last few weeks and the focus of my blog this week... The wonderful group of people that I get to call friends. Things have changed really quickly since the summer, I've met so many new people and formed closed bonds with older friends. I guess what I've learnt is that everyone is fighting their own battles, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't share yours with them.

So in September I was thrown in with a whole new group of people when I started my teaching course, we all came from different walks of life and had all had different experience that led us to want to be part of the course. For me new groups can always be disconcerting, should I mention my NS? Then there's the worry that as soon as we become friends on facebook they will find this blog anyway. When I'd started Uni of Lincoln, things with my illness were very different, it didn't seem to impact on my life as much as it does now, it was far easier to keep things to myself until people asked. However, this time was different and I decided honesty was the best policy from the off. At the induction day I was swelled and had no ankles so it was pretty easy for people to see I wasn't 100%.

I do not think I will ever get over the response I've had from my new friends. I've had messages to check that I'm okay, offers to come to meetings with me so I don't feel overwhelmed and a friend who gives lifts as I'm not feeling very confident driving as I'm constantly so tired. My friends have been willing to listen to all my issues and have even took the time to read this blog. What has really stuck me is that it doesn't matter how long you've known someone, if they care you will soon know.

Equally, my friends have taught me that everybody is fighting their own battles and the ones who take the time to try and understand are often those who are dealing with the most. I was proud that a friend felt she could confide in our group and share something she had kept quiet,  but felt she could talk to us.  She is going to make the most fantastic teacher and is honestly one of the nicest people on this planet. Just goes to show no one has it easy. Another friend, who has been my best friend throughout uni, has been through the most awful few months. Despite of all this, she is there for me whenever I need her, always checks up on me and is always able to cheer me up. I have so much to thank all these people for, the more time you spend with strong people, the better they make you feel.

We all know that this journey is far from an easy one. However, if you are surrounded with people kind enough to help you things tend to feel easier.

One foot in front of the other...

I had so much support for my last blog and I cannot thank everyone enough for making me feel that through opening up I can really help others. Equally I'm so pleased to be making people more aware of nephrotic syndrome in general, it isn't something that many people know about, so thank you to anyone that takes the time to read this blog. My last post wasn't the most positive thing I've ever written, so I felt that I needed to write a follow up. I mainly just wanted to get the message out there that things can only get better (in the unfading words of D:Ream.)

Relaxing half term with my pooches. 

Since I wrote my last post I can honestly say that I really have tried to make changes for the better: i've set the wheels in motion to do my teacher training part time, I know its not ideal but I will still get to where I want to be, even if it takes me a bit longer. I feel like I can regain some control and have some time to just get myself back in the best place mentally and physically. I honestly think I might be the luckiest person alive to have such a supportive network around me. People that I would of never of imagined have picked me up and offered their support. I also went back to Lowestoft for half term and spent some well needed time with family and my lovely pack of dogs.

Medically, things have changed too. I went to see my specialist on Monday and so far I've not had a relapse on Rituximab and i'm managing to wean off all my other meds, so kidney wise things are fab. However, recently I've not felt well at all and have constantly struggled with aches, pains, constant tiredness and just being really run down. So after going through everything with my specialist he diagnosed me with ME/CFS caused by long term immunosuppression and what my kidneys are doing to my body. unfortunately there isn't really much  we can do, but in the long run it should pass (everything crossed.) I have to admit it hasn't been the easiest thing to come to terms with, but at the same time I'm kind of glad I know whats going on, I was beginning to feel insane when I was going to bed at 8pm and still struggling with just going to work and doing everyday activities. Alongside that my Doctor also found out I was a bit deficient in phosphate, which can also leave you feeling a bit weak. So all in all I'm pretty weak and watery at the moment! Luckily I can eat foods to boost my levels, my doctor just thinks my kidneys might be leaking it a little, but hopefully we can sort that!!

Just wanted to update you all on the rollercoaster that is my life with NS. I am just taking one day at a time and doing the best I can.  I Hope everyone else is well and that everyone is seeing lots of yellow dips!!