What is it to really be lonely?

So Im being a little bit political today, after Theresa May announced this morning that she was going to commit to producing a new government strategy to combat the loneliness that many feel around the country, it got me thinking.  Most of the press coverage on the subject finds its focus on the elderly and how growing old can leave people feeling very alone; which of course is a huge issue, but I started to think how it may effect the young, the ill and the family of sufferers in a very similar way.

I for one am not afraid to admit there has been many times since my diagnosis that I have felt very alone with everything I'm going through. One of the worst times for this was when due to my health I decided to put university off for a year and get myself feeling a bit better before I put that kind of pressure on myself. I couldn't ask my boyfriend and friends to stay with me so slowly they disburse around the country and most of the people I had in my life that understood what I was going through were not just round the corner anymore. I'm not going to lie there were many times that I was bitter, they were living the life I wanted but had put on hold because of my kidneys, of course I was happy for them all but at time I felt like the only person left at home.

Of course being able to come to uni, meeting my crazy group of friends and living with my boyfriend has meant the feeling alone because of my condition a lot less of an issue as they all try to understand whats going on. However, feeling alone isn't something that just disappears; I often don't feel 100% so tend to feel lonely as it hard to explain to people how things like pred wean and the anxiety it brings is making me feel. Often I also feel useless when friends want to go for food but I can only go at certain times because of my medication or if we go out on a night out, Im tired before anyones even ready to consider going home. Don't get me wrong everyone understands and they are fab, but I feel like a burden that always has to be considered.

I'm sure many of you that take the time to read this will feel similar especially those who spend more time in and out of hospitals or on dialysis. Its hard not to feel lonely when we are such a small group and not a lot of people understand what Nephrotic Syndrome is. Also a massive shoutout to any family members who are feeling the same way; who may of had to  give up work to look after their child or feel left out by their friends who just don't understand how much worry you have to go through on a daily basis. This is why find the support groups so amazing as we can all be their for each other.