I'm back, more to offload I'm afraid. I wasn't sure where to go next there's a lot I want to put out there and talk about when it comes to my condition and its really difficult knowing where to start. So I started to think about what was the most obvious effect thats pretty negative for a teenage girl and I suppose it has to be what its done to my body.
Everyone knows most teenage girls are body conscious no matter how beautiful they are, we live in a society that makes it difficult to gain any confidence when we are faced with edited airbrushed images. I was no different before I got ill and as much as I hate to say it this defiantly hasn't helped. Anyone that suffers or has suffered from nephrotic syndrome will know it is characterised by horrible swelling I mean most times I have relapsed I've gained at least 2 stone, not good for a teenage girl who didn't like her body in the first place. So feeling fat and looking like a house I've carried on and tired to be normal which is hard i'll give you that, I've been pretty low through the last few months.
The scars I'm referring to in the title are stretch marks that I've collected from losing and gaining weight so fast, I'm covered… legs, back, boobs let me tell you it isn't very pretty but for anyone out there with this condition this is normal right? I've tried pretty much everything to combat them, bottles worth of bio oil and coco formula but it just doesnt work!! I suppose whenever I look down at them they remind me of everything I've managed to beat, but then again their a harsh reminder of just how much more I need to fight. Summer of 2014 is raising its ugly head and bringing with it the issues of beaches, biknis and bare bodies, it sounds stupid but the only reason i'm bothered is I dont want people's sympathy, I don't want to be on holiday and be the poor girl with the back scars because lets be honest I havent done anything heroic to cause them its just a downside of a sydrome that is not really known about.
While we are on appearance and being vain, a years worth of steroids really has alot to answer for. I am your classic moon/ scone face now and I bloody well hate it! as much as family, my boyfriend and friends can tell me it doesnt matter, it does to me. I have to say in the last few months a day hasn't gone by when I havent felt ugly and inadaquate (probably alot to do with the psycological side of steroids) but at he same time thinking you look like the man in the moon really doesn't tend to help. I'm hoping someone might read this who has had a simlar experience with the use of steriods through their teenage years and like me understands that these tablets are helping but Jesus Christ they mess you up! I WANT TO LOOK NORMAL AGAIN!! the weight gain and hunger is also now getting somthing I despise. I've managed to keep a healthy weight between relapases, but not without a fight. Side effects just dont help when your already fighting somthing else.
It can only get better, I hope...
No comments:
Post a Comment